Berger drops out as Kerry foreign-policy adviserWill Kerry see if Willie (The Actor) Sutton is available as a replacement? The famed bank robber has been dead 24 years, but so what. Elvis has been dead longer and he's still making appearances. Then there's Robert Goulet's voice...
By Jill Lawrence and Mimi Hall, USA TODAY
Former national security adviser Samuel [Sandy] Berger stepped aside from his work as a foreign-policy adviser to Democrat John Kerry's presidential campaign Tuesday, after Berger acknowledged that he had mishandled classified documents that were under review by the independent commission investigating the Sept. 11 attacks.
Berger, who had been considered a leading candidate for secretary of State in a Kerry administration, has been under investigation by the Justice Department (news - web sites) since October for removing classified documents from a secure reading room at the National Archives.
Berger should join Winona Ryder's support group for kleptomaniacs. Maybe Winona could give Sandy some dieting tips, too.
I don't know why Kerry would want a petty thief like Berger as an adviser when he's got a real pro as a running mate. Edwards has milked taxpayers and consumers for millions in legal awards and settlements, and he's not under investigation by the FBI.
If Berger really, truly "inadvertently" walked off with classified documents, maybe his old boss, Bill Clinton, really, truly didn't do whatever it is he says he didn't do (Whitewater, Paula Jones, Monica Lewinsky, you name it).
Sandy can always plead not guilty by reason of obesity, now that it's officially a disease. Even if he's found guilty, he'll probably get off with 30 minutes a day on the treadmill. A slap on the waist, so to speak.
Some commentators, even those with impeccable libertarian-conservative credentials, are willing to give Berger the benefit of the doubt. But I say: guilty until proven incompetent.
Can you imagine Berger as secretary of state? He'd be visiting the Middle East and leave secret anti-terrorism strategy papers in his trousers, which he would send out for pressing.
Oops, I forgot, Kerry would be president, so there wouldn't be a secret anti-terrorism strategy. It would have been approved by the United Nations.
You may have heard some of these lines from Letterman or Leno, but I didn't. I never watch their shows -- I'm too old to stay up that late.