Tuesday, September 13, 2005

An Open Letter to Michael Moore

Hey Mikey,

I understand that you've written an open letter to all who voted for George W. Bush in 2004. Something about how Katrina is all Bush's fault -- from start to finish. Well, I guess you'd know about such things, if anyone does. After all, your resume is quite impressive. Among other things,
  • You've told the CEO of General Motors how to run his vast company, which is a tad bit more difficult than making movies.
  • You've revealed the widespread suppression of dissent in the country, which obviously has prevented you from making millions of dollars from your movies.
  • You've explained how America's bad karma -- which is so evident in the outpouring of donations and aid in the aftermath of Katrina -- has driven a few dozen high-school students to kill some of their fellow students.
  • Although you haven't explained how fundamentalist Islam's bad karma drove 19 young men to kill 3,000 Americans on a sunny morning in September, you have found a way to put the blame on the Bush family.
So, it's obvious that you know a lot about how the world works. In fact, you know so much that I've begun to wonder about your involvement in Katrina. Given your wealth, the combined wealth of your Lefty pals in Hollywood, and the immense wealth of Lefty sympathizers like George Soros, I think I know what happened.

You and your buddies didn't cause Hurricane Katrina. I don't think you're up to that task, yet. But you knew it was developing and knew precisely where it was headed, long before the National Weather Service did. So, you got to Mayor Noggin and Governor Blank-o and made it worth their while to screw up the evacuation of New Orleans and surrounding areas. (Governor Barbour of Mississippi couldn't be bought off, for obvious reasons, so you saved some bucks there.)

After the hurricane struck, and before everyone realized the full extent of the death and destruction it had caused, you got to CNN, NBC, ABC, CBS, and MSNBC and fed them the lie that Bush was responsible for the destruction of New Orleans because he piddled the money away in Iraq. (FoxNews couldn't be bought off, either, but five out of six ain't bad.) You also concocted the fable that poor blacks were disproportionately affected by Katrina because Bush doesn't care about blacks. That's all it took. Those stories had legs, man; now they're gospel in most quarters. And your pet pollsters are having a field day spinning the results.

So, Mikey, I have to hand it to you. Your deeply felt empathy for the "common man" has served him well. I mean, what's a few thousand deaths if that's what it takes to help open Americans' eyes to the evil that is Bush.

Of course, I'm sure you'll be well served, too. I can envision the title of your next hit movie: Farhrenheit 212: Bush in Hot (Flood) Water.

Yours in paranoia forever,

P.S. Are you still at the fat farm? It's a shame you got so grossly overweight. But I know it wasn't your fault, because you're not one of the stupid white guys. I remember when a younger George Bush forced those Big Macs down your throat. You were hooked for life, and it's all Bush's fault.

P.P.S. I see that CNN has a story in which every level of government is taking heat for what happened in New Orleans. You know what that means, of course. The big government that you love so much -- not the one that fights to defend your right to make a rather nice living, but the other one that thinks more money is always the answer, regardless of the question -- that big government is going to get bigger.

That's the American way, isn't it Mikey? Put all responsibility on government, praise it when it's in Democrat hands, blame it when it's in Republican hands, and keep on spending, no matter how much it screws up. It sure beats giving individuals back their tax money, along with the responsibility for choosing safe places to live or protecting themselves when they decide to live in unsafe places. (Oh, I almost forgot about the poor, untaxed people who are poor mostly because they've never been weaned from the government tit or who can't find jobs because taxation and regulation destroy jobs.)

Anyway, if you make people responsible for themselves they might do something stupid like getting grossly fat, as you did. But it wouldn't be their fault, of course. So, as long as we're going to have a federal czar for disaster-prevention-against-all-odds, instant-response-at-all-costs, and rebuilding-bigger-and-better-in-dangerous-places, we might as well have a federal czar for forcing-fat-boys-to-run-two-miles-a-day. How's that strike you?